Good Bye Pepsi, Good Bye junk food!

well 6 1/2 hours from now it will be 2011.. holy crap where did time go? and how the hell did i ever let myself get this FAT!!?? thats it. new year new weight lets go down 50 lbs! starting tomorrow im going to do a semi detox over the weekend. i cant totally detox because of my meds but i can fast for a couple of days on fluids. then start my new shift! Im excited. although i am stuck in that dam snow globe again. im alive but i dont feel it. all i feel is a fat bloated cow. ya ya dont give me crap. if i cant say how i feel here then where? i did not say i am i said i FEEL. I want to feel beautiful! I want this wonderful woman i hide inside full of charisma to come out. i want sparkles in my eyes. i want to be... me!

couscous....

this is the way i like to make couscous and i think its super nummy!

portions are about 1cup each person (cooked) so depending on how many u are feeding adjust..

1 part couscous to 2 parts water

yellow pepper
red pepper
greenpepper
celery
feta cheese.
couscous

mix together with cooked cous cous and season to your tatse. I use garlic salt and lemon pepper.

Follow me...

Hi family and friends. so many of you say that we dont keep in touch and your so right. i find it difficult to keep up with everyone and keep in touch. so im hoping you guys will follow my blog and keep in touch in a more techno way. this should be fun for you out of towners to hear about my daily random thoughts and ramblings, i hope you decide to click the link to the right that says follow.....

New years resolution

OK so ideally i need to loose like 100 pounds. blah but my hubby is a chubby lover and likes the fluff on me so ill start with 50. new year new life style. I figure if i post it here. i have to hold myself accountable. plus you guys can nag me when I'm being naughty. so, as of Jan 1 I'm going to exercise more and eat healthier. and most importantly watch my portions. cause i like food.. no, i LOVE food. it comforts me when I'm down. then it sticks to me like alien lifeforms in the the disguise of fat cells. slowly building up like a snow ball. before you know i will be to huge to even roll one more foot across the yard.. no, don't want that. i want to feel good about myself! i want to feel sexy! i know i am sexy but i want to FEEL it. i want to not pick out flaws when i look in the mirror every morning. I want to feel the burn as the sun melts the snowman!

Freedom from chaos?

why is it that at 245 i am awake and all i can think about it pleasing other people? why do we live in a society where our "friends" control our whole social outlook? If you hang with stoners then you must be one... only fat chicks can hang with fat chicks and skinny girls with skinny girls, moms with mom and singles with singles. Is it better to have one or two true friends or a handful of great friends? I personally thought that at one time you should only have one or two friends but dammit that gets really lonely. I am blessed By many friends. great ones too. ya I have acquaintance's also but then answer this. why does the drama start? why is it so hard to fathom that there is enough room in ones heart to love everyone. is the world so closed to love that loving more than one becomes a sin?(I'm talking friends here not husbands)  that i must be forced to choose who's feelings get hurt that day. its a whole lot of childishness if you ask me. I see it everywhere even in the grade schools. " this friend is mad at me because i sat by this friend today and not her" No wonder society as a whole is so fucked up.

We teach our children to love and laugh yet we also teach them the bad jealousy and social morals.yet as adults it can resort to grade school.. if all i need to know i learned in kindergarten really applied then we would see even adults striking up conversations with complete strangers, like children in a school yard. they don't care how you look etc they just wanna invite you to "play" I'm that person who strikes up conversations with complete strangers. human nature is to be social yet, you get looked at like you are a freak of nature. How dare you talk to someone you don't know!  And elevators, WTF why does no one talk in an elevator? can someone answer that.

In a world where we need to love one another and stop all the drama and fighting. we continue to breed a new generation who carry on the genes. why do children imitate each other? cause were all a bunch of dam monkeys locked in this one big cage and god forbid us all to get along. bullshit. I say, talk to who you want when you want, if they or someone else don't like it poo poo to them that is their problem not mine. the only people i shall please today is me, my husband and my children. to the rest they are on their own cause i cannot hold the weight of all that on my shoulders. I refuse to. its time to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. or tuck your tail between your legs and go home.

Snow globes

So the weather was crappy today. I looked out the window as it began to snow. it was almost surreal as if I were in my own little world in my own little snow globe.  the clouds were grey and it was almost af if someone had come along and given the globe a slight shake. just enough to drudge upsome snow flakes that danced around the water until they settled down on the ground and melted away. I felt Warm as i watched the snow and saw the wonder in my childrens eyes at the excitement grew of sledding and snowman, and then saw the dissapointment in their eyes as the rain resumed.  Ah to be young again,  the hopes and dreams and the only dissapointment in the day is the snow did not stay. rest easy my little ones as life will again pick up the snow globe and give it a random shake every now and again.  for life is one giant snow globe and the flurries of life come often. when the flurries subside and the snow settles back to the peaceful calm you will cherish these moments. For now Laugh often and Love much. Dont wish to have a globe of your own to soon.

Hmmm

Brooke Had a good Idea for john, So i thought id try it. see if you can keep up